


The Stork Brought It

by belovedhypnos



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blushing, Discussion of mpreg, Folklore, Humor, Implied Bottom Castiel, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Parents Castiel & Dean Winchester, Pre-Slash, Sam Ships It, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:52:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7555528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belovedhypnos/pseuds/belovedhypnos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One idle morning in the bunker, Dean and Cas suddenly became parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the silliest thing I've ever written. You have been warned...

Dean poured himself a third mug of coffee, thoroughly enjoying his day-off. He had his mind set on doing Nothing In Particular all day, and for once he’d get to pretend the supernatural fucked-upness didn’t even exist.

That’s when Cas rushed into the kitchen.

“Cas!” Dean gave him a grin and nodded towards the table that was currently covered in plates full of sandwiches, eggs, fruits, bread and pastries. “Care to join me for a brunch?”

Cas didn’t even glance at the table. Only now did Dean realize that the angel looked quite agitated, and Dean quickly deduced it possibly had something to do with the bundle he was carrying. For a moment he thought Cas had gone and bought more food, which on this particular day would have been rather unnecessary since they were, for once, fully stocked. He was just about to thank him anyway, but then the bundle made an ear-piercing noise.

The noise made Dean jump and consequently spill half of his coffee on the table.

“ _What the hell...?!_ ”

Cas looked rather helpless as he glanced at the bundle in his arms that was currently squirming in a very _baby-like_ way, and then looked possibly even more helplessly back up at Dean.

“Dean, I have something shocking to tell you.”

“No shit?!” Dean said as he stepped closer to stare at the baby in bewilderment that was bordering on horror. “Where did _that_ come from?”

Cas looked almost apologetic. “A stork brought it.”

Dean, as much as he was shocked, couldn’t help chuckling at that. “Yeah, right. Because that’s how babies arrive… Somebody really needs to give you some sex-ed, Cas.”

“This isn’t funny, Dean”, Cas said, surprisingly angrily. “I’m telling the truth. I was just arriving at the bunker door when I noticed a stork flying over me. It dropped this”, Cas raised the bundle that made a joyful noise in response, “into my arms.”

Dean could only stare.

“O…K”, he said slowly. “Doesn’t sound supernatural at all…” He gave a sigh, closed his eyes, brought his hands to rub his temples, and thought for a moment. “I guess we’ll have to figure out what took that baby, why did they bring it here, and most importantly - where are the poor kid's parents.”

Cas was quiet for such a long time Dean had to open his eyes to see if he still was there. There he was. Standing awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen, holding the baby just as awkwardly, and… blushing?

“Uh, Dean…” he said, avoiding the hunter’s eyes. “ _We_ are its parents.”

“What?” Dean breathed out rather than said. It was difficult to talk when his mouth was hanging open.

Cas took a small piece of paper that had been tucked between the baby and the cloth it was wrapped in, and handed it to Dean.

Dean stared at it for a long while.

 

**♥**

**My parents are** :

_Castiel & Dean Winchester _

♥

 

After he had stared at it long enough - and that was _long_ \- he mechanically handed it back to Cas, and sat down.

“OK”, he said when he didn’t know what to say. “OK.”

“OK”, Cas said, too.

“What the fuck.”

“Indeed.”

The baby started crying and Cas started rocking it in his arms, and yes, Dean thought it was adorable, and Cas was apparently naturally good with babies because the baby calmed down in seconds, but it still didn’t mean that it really was theirs or that any of it made any sense.

 

*

 

“Please, tell me you guys have _something_ ”, Dean said desperately as he came back to the library after changing his clothes. The baby – _his_ baby? - had spat up on him after Cas had fed her and handed her back to unprepared Dean. Cas might not know much about babies but that had been just _mean_.

Or maybe it was all Dean’s fault: maybe he was unprepared because had been too enthralled by the sight of Cas bottle-feeding their – THE baby. (No, he hadn’t been staring, and he sure as hell hadn’t been _smiling_.)

Sam looked up from his laptop. “Yeah, I think I got something.”

Both Dean and Cas looked up at him in expectation. Only the baby kept sleeping in Cas’ arms.

“The stork brought it”, Sam said as if that was it, no big deal.

Dean made an exasperated groan.

“What the fuck, Sam?!”

“Look, this kind of weird stuff keeps happening us, doesn’t it? It’s like we’re drawn to the supernatural. Anyway, in many mythologies the stork is the symbol of fertility and family ties. In German folklore, it was the stork that brought babies to expectant parents.” He eyed Dean and Cas suspiciously, then a smirk rose to his lips. “You two haven’t by any chance done any baby-making lately?”

“What?!” Dean practically shrieked and turned bright red from his neck to the tip of his ears.

“No”, Cas said, looking thoughtful. “Dean and I haven’t had intercourse. Even if we did, it could not result in a child, since we are both male.”

Dean was now even darker shade of red. “OK, Cas, just - just  stop talking.”

“On the other hand”, Cas continued, ignoring Dean, “my grace is capable of miraculous and improbable things. I assume that if Dean’s sperm was to end up in my grace, there could be a minute probability of conception.”

Both Sam and Dean stared at Cas with the same wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression on their faces. The only difference was the color of their faces. When Cas realized he had been rambling on while staring off into the distance rather dreamily, the color on his face changed, too.

“But, of course, I’m just speculating”, he said quickly. “And it doesn’t have anything to do with our current problem, so… just forget it.”

He returned to rocking the baby who had woken up and was now making noises of discomfort, while Sam very slowly returned his gaze to the computer. They then started a conversation about the stork, which Dean wasn’t able to pay any attention to, because he was too busy thinking about his sperm ending up in Cas’ grace.

“Well, looks like we just have to deal with it”, Sam said finally with a shrug. “Unless the stork’s gonna come and take it back, the baby is yours. Congratulations.”

A small, gentle smile crept on Cas’ lips as he watched his daughter yawn.

“It’s strange”, he said, “but I feel like I’m going to enjoy being a parent. Especially when I get to co-parent with you, Dean.”

At the mention of his name, Dean finally woke-up from his daydream featuring Cas, his grace, and many, many sperms.

“What?” he said, looking stunned.

“Isn’t it actually quite wonderful that we are parents now”, Cas said, giving him such a sweet look Dean was glad he was sitting down because his knees suddenly felt more like jelly than knees.

“I - I guess”, he said, but the dopey grin on his face told a more enthusiastic story.

On the other side of the table, Sam was googling “ _How to be an awesome uncle_ ”.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally wrote a silly little sequel, and it is... so weird. Anyways, I hope you enjoy.

”I can’t believe we’re doing this”, Dean grumbled while they were taking the baby for a stroll. He glanced at Cas who was pushing the stroller and smiling softly at the baby.

“Hey, stop that”, Dean said.

“What?” Cas looked up at him with confusion.

“Stop getting attached! We’re not gonna keep her.”

Cas made sad puppy eyes at Dean.

“Yesterday you said we were.”

Dean waved his hand dismissively. “I wasn’t thinking straight, I didn’t know what I was saying! It’s your fault anyway, you got me all… disoriented.”

Cas squinted at him. “Did I?”

“Yeah, you made me think of… stuff.”

Dean felt his face heating up. Why did he bring this up again?

“What stuff?” Cas asked.

Dean gave out an exasperated sigh.

“You know, the whole grace-sperm stuff”, he said looking away and hoping Cas didn’t notice how red his face probably was.

“Oh”, Cas said and fell silent. Dean risked a glance at him. Cas looked almost… bashful?

They walked in silence for a moment, both avoiding looking at the other. And it occurred that when Dean finally decided to look at Cas, Cas had decided to look at Dean. Their eyes met for a split second before they both quickly turned their heads away.

Dean cleared his throat. “So, how… how could it happen?”

“What?” Cas looked confused again, and Dean sighed.

“How could a sperm enter a grace?” he said so quickly the words blurred together.

“Well”, Cas said awkwardly, adjusting the baby’s blanket. “The usual way.”

Dean huffed a nervous laugh.

“Come on, Cas, what could possibly be the ‘usual way’ for a guy’s jizz to end up in an angel’s grace?”

“Intercourse”, Cas said shyly, and Dean was thankful he was already so flushed that he couldn’t get any redder.

“Jesus, Cas, don’t say that!” Dean barked.

“You asked me to say it”, Cas said defensively.

“Yeah, but don’t ever say it again! Let’s just drop this subject, OK? In fact, let’s not ever talk about grace and sperm in the same sentence, OK? And never mention that word beginning with an ‘I’, either, OK?” Dean was freaking out.

“OK”, Cas agreed, and they fell silent again.

“Are you thinking about it?” Cas asked hesitantly after a few quiet minutes.

“Yes”, Dean admitted, hanging his head in defeat.

“Me too”, Cas said.

“Maybe we should just… try it out?” Dean said with a nervous laugh.

Dean could have sworn his heart skipped at least three beats while waiting for Cas to reply.

“That does sound appealing”, Cas said then with a soft smile.

Dean felt weak at the knees.

“OK. Wow. Didn’t think you’d go for it”, he said, grinning like an idiot.

They walked on in silence again, but now the silence was different. It was filled with sweet anticipation.

“So… You wanna do it right now?” Dean said when they got back to the Impala.

Cas gave him a disapproving look. “Dean, the baby’s with us.”

“Right, right”, Dean said, scratching the back of his neck and fearing that Cas thought he was like a teenager who couldn’t keep it in his pants. “Sorry.”

He went on to lift the baby from the stroller. “Right, let’s put you in your seat, buttercup.”

But the stroller was empty.

“What the…?”

“What’s going on?” Cas said, alarmed.

Dean noticed a note in the stroller and held it up so that he and Cas could both read it.

 

 ♥

_As you probably have noticed, something’s a bit off here. The stork? The baby? Come on! Couldn’t you  guess what was really going on? Obviously not, which means I’m sorry to inform you: the baby never existed. But hey, it’s not all bad, isn’t it? This little intervention gave you time to figure out that you wanna be more than buddies, right? That you wanna have some horizontal refreshments? Great! Cassie, I knew you’d be the type to get a baby fever. Sorry to take the cute little illusion away, but hey, now you can make some real ones! And as for Deano, you old horn-dog – I knew you couldn’t wait for an excuse to bang my little bro, so here you have it! No need to thank me!_

_-The Trickster_

♥

 

 Dean and Cas stared at the note for a long while. Finally it dissolved into thin air.

“I thought he was dead”, Cas said in disbelief.

“He will be, soon”, Dean said grimly. “I’m gonna kill him.”

“ _We’re_ gonna kill him”, Cas corrected. “But before hunting down and murdering my brother, I’d very much like to try some “horizontal refreshments”.” Having said so, Cas climbed into the back seat of the Impala. Dean happily followed him.

 

Some moments later, Dean’s sperm entered Cas’ grace.


End file.
